The 36th Golden Raspberry Awards

02 Wednesday Mar 2016

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Awards, Dakota Johnson, Fantastic Four, Fifty Shades of Grey, Golden Raspberry Awards, Jamie Dornan, Josh Trank, Movies, Nominees, Sylvester Stallone, The Razzies, Winners, Worst of 2015

With all the fuss and hullabaloo that comes with the Oscars, where the best of 2015 is celebrated (…and celebrated…and celebrated…), it’s easy to overlook the awards ceremony that “celebrates” the worst of 2015. Held on February 27th, the annual Golden Raspberry Awards “honour” the movies that we’ve all taken to beating with a stick over the last year, movies that contain breathless lines of dialogue such as these:

“You’re here because I’m incapable of leaving you alone.” – Fifty Shades of Grey

“I had no idea I was so deep in Her Majesty’s hole!” – Mortdecai

“The end of your world… is the beginning of mine!” – Fantastic Four

For those who missed out on congratulating the winners on their timeless efforts, here are the nominees for the 36th Golden Raspberry Awards with the winners highlighted in bold. How many have you seen?

Worst Picture

Fantastic Four (20th Century Fox) – Simon Kinberg, Matthew Vaughn, Hutch Parker, Robert Kulzer, Gregory Goodman
Fifty Shades of Grey (Universal/Focus Features) – Michael De Luca, Dana Brunetti, E. L. James
Jupiter Ascending (Warner Bros.) – Grant Hill, The Wachowskis
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (Columbia) – Todd Garner, Kevin James, Adam Sandler
Pixels (Columbia) – Adam Sandler, Chris Columbus, Mark Radcliffe, Allen Covert

Yes, it’s a tie, even though Fantastic Four was far and away the worst movie of 2015, the kind of movie you sit through wondering if it can get any worse – and then it does, repeatedly. Fifty Shades of Grey went for po-faced seriousness and in the process made Christian Grey’s BDSM tendencies more laughable than erotic. Both movies were examples of projects that seriously let down their target audiences, and it’s no wonder that the proposed sequels of both movies are now being looked forward to with the minimal amount of enthusiasm.

Worst Director

Josh Trank – Fantastic Four
Andy Fickman – Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2
Tom Six – The Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence)
Sam Taylor-Johnson – Fifty Shades of Grey
The Wachowskis – Jupiter Ascending

No one else came close in 2015 than Trank for ruining the hopes and dreams of superhero fanboys everywhere. That he defended those casting choices all the way to the movie’s release was either a sign of mental instability or the actions of someone carrying out a monumental dare. In either case, Trank’s direction was in a league all its own (and that’s not a recommendation).

Worst Actor

Jamie Dornan – Fifty Shades of Grey as Christian Grey
Johnny Depp – Mortdecai as Charlie Mortdecai
Kevin James – Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 as Paul Blart
Adam Sandler – The Cobbler and Pixels as Max Simkin and Sam Brenner
Channing Tatum – Jupiter Ascending as Caine Wise

Dornan’s oh-so-serious turn as Christian Grey was – and is – a very special performance requiring such a suspension of disblief in viewers he might as well have been flogging himself in lieu of the proverbial dead horse. Depp can count himself unlucky that his ersatz-Terry-Thomas portrayal didn’t have quite as much to unrecommend itself than Dornan’s slick turn. And as for Kevin James…

Worst Actress

Dakota Johnson – Fifty Shades of Grey as Anastasia Steele
Katherine Heigl – Home Sweet Hell as Mona Champagne
Mila Kunis – Jupiter Ascending as Jupiter Jones
Jennifer Lopez – The Boy Next Door as Claire Peterson
Gwyneth Paltrow – Mortdecai as Johanna Mortdecai

Thrust into the media spotlight, and finding her attributes exposed in more ways than one, Johnson’s tepid performance as Anastasia Steele was – and is – an example of an unknown being given an amazing opportunity… and not being ready for it at all. In fairness, she never had a chance, but it’s also true that in comparison with her fellow nominees, her lack of experience made her a dead cert for the award.

Worst Supporting Actor

Eddie Redmayne – Jupiter Ascending as Balem Abrasex
Chevy Chase – Hot Tub Time Machine 2 and Vacation as Hot Tub Repairman and Clark Griswold
Josh Gad – Pixels and The Wedding Ringer as Ludlow Lamonsoff and Doug Harris
Kevin James – Pixels as President William Cooper
Jason Lee – Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip as David “Dave” Seville

In a movie full of unrewarding sci-fi excess, it was Redmayne’s rasping, camp performace as the movie’s villain that acted as a kind of calm amid the storm, even if it looked and sounded like it should have been part of a pantomime rather than a huge, sprawling sci-fi disaster. And as for Kevin James…

Worst Supporting Actress

Kaley Cuoco – Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (voice only) and The Wedding Ringer as Eleanor and Gretchen Palmer
Rooney Mara – Pan as Tiger Lily
Michelle Monaghan – Pixels as Lieutenant Colonel Violet van Patten
Julianne Moore – Seventh Son as Mother Malkin
Amanda Seyfried – Love the Coopers and Pan as Ruby and Mary

Watching the former Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting on TV’s The Big Bang Theory is a satisfying experience that shows the actress has good comic timing and an endearing screen presence. Watching her on the big screen shows that being part of an ensemble is where her talents lie, and that striking out on her own should be avoided at all costs. And there needs to be a law that says phenomenal actresses such as Moore should be banned from appearing in silly fantasy movies (they should know better).

Worst Screen Combo

Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson – Fifty Shades of Grey
All four “Fantastics” (Miles Teller, Michael B. Jordan, Kate Mara, and Jamie Bell) – Fantastic Four
Johnny Depp and his glued-on moustache – Mortdecai
Kevin James and either his Segway or his glued-on moustache – Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2
Adam Sandler and any pair of shoes – The Cobbler

With all the on-screen chemistry of a psychopath and his victim (not entirely an inappropriate idea), Dornan and Johnson made their scenes together feel and sound like contractual obligations (still not entirely inappropriate), and the culmination of minutes’ worth of introspection. This particular combo is still preferable by a mile to the “talented” cast that make up the Fantastic Four though.

Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-off or Sequel

Fantastic Four (20th Century Fox) – Simon Kinberg, Matthew Vaughn, Hutch Parker, Robert Kulzer, Gregory Goodman
Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (20th Century Fox) – Janice Karman, Ross Bagdasarian
Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (Paramount/Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer) – Andrew Panay
The Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence) (IFC Midnight) – Tom Six, Ilona Six
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (Columbia) – Todd Garner, Kevin James, Adam Sandler

Absolutely spot on on all points, the enormity of Fantastic Four‘s failure is still hard to grasp sometimes – didn’t anyone know how bad it was? – but all these studios should be taken out to the woodshed and soundly chastised for their profligacy. And it’s great to see an indie movie in there, proving that individual vision is no guarantee that a movie will be any good.

Worst Screenplay

Fifty Shades of Grey – Kelly Marcel, from the novel by E. L. James
Fantastic Four – Jeremy Slater, Simon Kinberg and Josh Trank from the Marvel Comics characters by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby
Jupiter Ascending – The Wachowskis
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 – Nick Bakay and Kevin James
Pixels – Tim Herlihy and Timothy Dowling, story: Tim Herlihy, from the short film by Patrick Jean

An unsurprising win for E.L. James’s bonkbuster, but again, Fantastic Four should have won the award with ease; at least Fifty Shades of Grey had a recognisable structure, and whatever the Wachowskis were smoking when they wrote Jupiter Ascending is concerning on waaay too many levels.

The Razzle Redeemer Award

Sylvester Stallone – From all-time Razzie champ to 2015 award contender for Creed
Elizabeth Banks – From Razzie “winning” director for Movie 43 to directing the 2015 hit film Pitch Perfect 2
M. Night Shyamalan – From Perennial Razzie nominee and “winner” to directing the 2015 horror hit The Visit
Will Smith – For following up Razzie “wins” for After Earth to starring in Concussion

The award that seeks to redress the balance for previous nominations, the Redeemer Award goes to an actor whose career has been a triumph of populism over depth. The other nominees? Nowhere near as deserving of inclusion, and choices that reflect an acknowledgment that Stallone was in a class of his own in 2015 when it comes to making a comeback.

And there you have it: shorter and sourer than the Oscars, but even more entertaining. Whatever your feelings about the main winners, one thing is indisputably true: there’ll be plenty of 2016 movies in the firing line next year, and they’ll all be richly deserving of a Razzie.

10 Spoof Movie Posters

26 Sunday Jul 2015

Posted by dullwood68 in Movies

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Bart Simpson, Fifty Shades of Grey, Fruitvale Station, Goldfinger, James Bond, Jaws, Minion, Rain Man, Ralph Wiggum, Se7en, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, SpongeBob Squarepants, Spoof movie posters, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Taken 2, The Constant Gardner, Up

While I was searching for movie posters to include in my Poster of the Week feature, I came across quite a few spoof versions, most of which were obvious or clumsy in execution. But there were some that stood out in terms of originality and for putting a clever spin on the original poster. Here are ten of the best, and in no particular order of popularity or preference. I hope you like them as much as I do.

1 – Fruitvale Station (2013)

There’s nothing like getting to the heart of the matter or telling it straight, which is what makes this “serious” spoof so effective. It’s an example of the “honest poster” and the title change from Fruitvale Station says it all, and for an extra twist of the knife, the tagline rams the message home quite forcefully and with no apologies for its stance.

2 – Jaws (1975)

There are dozens of spoof Jaws movie posters out there, and almost all of them try to retain the title as much as they can, but few keep the whole word with just the addition of a single extra letter. Congratulations then to this poster for being so creative and for providing a mash-up of two movie series into the bargain.

3 – Taken 2 (2012)

Sometimes, the best spoofs are those that poke fun at movies that take themselves just a little bit too seriously. And Taken 2 was certainly a gloomy revenge thriller, with Liam Neeson glowering throughout. But this example of the spoof poster takes all that gloominess and the oppressive atmosphere and literally “dumps” all over it.

4 – Rain Man (1988)

The Simpsons feature in a lot of spoof movie posters but this is one of the best, recreating the original’s style and looking more like an animated sequel than a humorous homage to Rain Man itself. The expressions are fantastic as well, and the whole thing is so simple it just adds another layer of quality to the finished poster.

5 – Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)

As with the Simpsons, those little yellow Minions feature in quite a few spoof movie posters as well, and trying to choose just one was really difficult, but in the end this example won out because it’s visually striking as well as funny, and isn’t a case of someone just photoshopping a Minion onto the head of Darth Maul.

6 – Se7en (1995)

Mash-ups are popular with spoof movie poster designers, and this combination of Disney classic Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937) and modern serial killer movie Se7en is inspired (though John Doe is still scarier than Maleficent). And to add to the fun you can try and work out which dwarf matches up with which deadly sin.

7 – Up (2009)

A simple enough exercise that retains the bright colour scheme of the original, and still manages to capture Up‘s spirit of adventure, this poster is an obvious response perhaps, but again it’s the way in which the original look and feel has been recreated, and still manages to raise a smile, this time of happy acknowledgement.

8 – Goldfinger (1964)

If ever there was a movie series that deserved to be spoofed (as it has been) then it’s the James Bond franchise. This French poster for Goldfinger takes an obvious title change and adds a picture of the item in question and does nothing else, keeping the rest of the poster intact and making it look – at first glance at least – as if it’s a genuine Bond movie.

9 – The Constant Gardener (2005)

One small change to a title can make all the difference sometimes, and this example turns The Constant Gardener‘s paranoid thriller into something very different indeed. The graphics are a little too “in your face” but the humour is guaranteed to “raise” a smile, and is a good example of how a little smut can go a long way.

10 – Fifty Shades of Grey (2015)

A lot of spoof movie posters work by subverting the original image and/or juxtaposing it with an image that is completely at odds or at a considerable distance from the original image and its intentions. Such is the case with this version of Fifty Shades of Grey, where Christian Grey’s replacement – and the careless absurdity of his being at the window in the first place – just makes it all the funnier (and might just make for a more interesting and entertaining movie).

Fifty Shades of Grey and the Art of the Advance Warning

16 Sunday Nov 2014

Posted by dullwood68 in Movies

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13 February 2015, Advance booking, Empire Cinemas, Fifty Shades of Grey

Today I received an e-mail from Empire Cinemas here in the UK, alerting me to the fact that I could now book tickets for Fifty Shades of Grey, a movie that isn’t due out in the UK until – wait for it – 13 February 2015.

Once I’d got over the shock of being sent such an e-mail a good three months before the movie’s release, I began to wonder why the wonderful folks at Empire Cinemas were doing such a thing in the first place. Sure, Fifty Shades of Grey – in novel form at least – has become a cultural phenomenon, but to open the box office before anyone has seen the finished product (and yes, I’m assuming that’s the case), and before anyone can make a qualified judgement on it, just seems a tad optimistic. But then, if you follow the booking link, the Empire Cinemas website only lists two showings per day that the movie can be seen. Two showings? With all the effort involved in alerting the great British public, there’s only two screenings?

Perhaps – and despite the inference that UK residents are really eager to see the exploits of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele – there’s actually a bit of hedging going on here, with Empire Cinemas dialling back their confidence that the movie will be the big box office success they expect. But even if that’s the case, why on earth are they opening the box office now? Just how many seats do they expect to sell a full four months before the movie opens? And who’s likely to book their seats so far in advance when anything could happen to disrupt their plans in the meantime?

Here in the UK, booking cinema tickets is a fairly straightforward process. Programmes change each Friday, with “advance” booking available from the Tuesday of the same week. Occasionally, and depending on the cinema – I mean you, BFI IMAX at London’s Waterloo – you can book weeks in advance for a particular movie (I’ve had my ticket for The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies for a week now)… but months? No, that’s not usual at all.

Unless… unless it’s yet another example of marketing gone awry, an attempt to boost attendance figures and “pre-sell” the movie before it comes out and audiences realise that E.L. James’ “mommy-porn” exercise has been translated into one giant turkey (the latest trailer certainly avoids showing anything too memorable or original). If that’s the case then anyone who books now and not much nearer the time of the movie’s release will have played right into the hands of Universal’s and Empire’s assumption that there is a built-in audience that won’t be able to wait to get their hands on a ticket. (If you’re reading this, and you’re living in the UK, and the idea of grabbing a ticket so far in advance is making you want to grab your masquerade mask and indulge in a little light spanking to celebrate, then stop a moment and ask yourself this: in this day and age of over-priced ticketing and poorly projected movies, will it really make a difference to be one of the first to book a ticket to see Fifty Shades of Grey? And what will differentiate you from someone who buys their ticket, say, the day before the screening?)

Advance word about future movies, and advance screenings, and carefully disseminated information about the movies the studios want us to see at the cinema, are all becoming more and more important to the way in which movies are marketed and advertised. With Fifty Shades of Grey having a fanbase that Universal hopes will translate into big box office returns, this particular degree of advance warning seems entirely unnecessary, but it is indicative of a growing trend in Hollywood (and one I’ve previousy looked at in X-Men: Apocalypse and Cinema’s Dependency on Superheroes). Even Disney/Pixar aren’t immune from it, having recently announced the release in 2017 of Toy Story 4. It’s like having the identity of a Xmas present revealed by an eager relative who can’t wait for you to see what a great gift they’ve bought you – except it’s a present you won’t get for a couple of years or so.

On a personal level, I don’t see the point of revealing movie releases so far in advance, or offering advance tickets long before a movie’s release, or leaking plot details in infuriating dribs and drabs, or creating a viral ad campaign on the Internet – promote a movie, yes, but nearer the time it’s due to hit cinemas. On IMDb there are currently fourteen movies slated for release in 2020 (including a Green Lantern movie – yikes!), but do we really need to know now that they’re on the way? (In case you’re hesitating, the answer is No.) What it all boils down to is the studios trying to tell us what to see, and what to like, and when to do so. And while I know that’s what marketing and advertising and trendsetting is all about, it still doesn’t mean I have to like it, or go along with it. And neither should anyone else.