While there are plenty of movies to look forward to in 2016, the sad fact is that there are quite a few movies that should be avoided. These movies are the cinematic equivalent of being trapped in a basement with a zombie, or being forced to watch an Angry Birds movie – oh, hang on, that’s a real thing, isn’t it? Below are ten movies you might want to steer clear of in 2016, and if anyone asks why you don’t want to see them, just mention that zombie in the basement.
1) Ride Along 2 – As if Kevin Hart comedies aren’t bad enough on their own, now someone’s letting him make sequels? This sees Hart and the perennially snarling Ice Cube travel to Miami to take down a big time drug dealer, but any sequel that decides to take its main characters out of their normal environment while trying to retain the feel of its predecessor has lost the plot already (and anyway, didn’t anyone see Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2? Oh wait, no, they didn’t).
2) Extraction – Bruce Willis’s career continues its swan dive in this dreary-sounding action thriller about a CIA operative captured by terrorists whose son launches a rescue mission when nobody else will. The less than stellar cast also includes D.B. Sweeney and Kellan Lutz, and if this doesn’t go straight to DVD or VOD, then it’ll be a minor miracle.
3) Kickboxer – Another reboot, another trip down Déjà Vu Lane as yet another kickboxer (Alain Moussi) trains hard to avenge the death of his brother. With Dave Bautista as the villain, Tong Po(!), and Jean-Claude Van Damme stepping up from avenging brother to Muay Thai mentor, this has all the hallmarks of a movie that probably seemed like a good idea at the time, but as the original wasn’t that great to begin with…
4) Sausage Party – An animated feature written by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, this has been in development since 2010, and concerns a sausage – yes, a sausage – and its attempts to find out where it came from. With a voice cast that includes James Franco, Jonah Hill, Bill Hader, Craig Robinson and Danny McBride, and characters with names like Teresa Taco and Sammy Bagel Jr, you can guess the level that this movie is aspiring to. And it just begs the question, how soon will it be before the first sausage and beans joke is made?
5) Journey 3: From the Earth to the Moon – Dwayne Johnson and Josh Hutcherson are back as intrepid explorers Hank and Sean in a movie that seeks to further mine the oeuvre of Jules Verne. The first two Journeys were largely unremarkable, which begs the question, will this be any different? And with two more planned sequels to come, how much thinner will the basic idea be spread before audiences lose interest completely?
6) Natural Born Pranksters – If you’re familiar with the names Roman Atwood, Vitaly Z, and Dennis Roady, then you’ll have seen their pranks on YouTube. Some are genuinely funny, others miss the mark by a mile, but if the trailer for this movie is anything to go by then they’re not showcasing their best (or funniest) pranks – fake flashing in the park, anyone? A reminder then that what works well on the small screen doesn’t always transfer well to the big screen.
7) Grimsby – Possibly one of 2016’s best casts – Sacha Baron Cohen, Isla Fisher, Ian McShane, Mark Strong, Gabourey Sidibe, Penélope Cruz, Rebel Wilson – may now be looking back on this as a good idea at the time, while regretting making what Sony executive Mark Braddel called “pretty lazy and predictable” and “a pretty generic idea that should work across a variety of territories”. With that sort of backing, this tale of a super spy forced to team up with his football hooligan brother already sounds like a dud.
8) Fifty Shades of Black – As if Fifty Shades of Gray wasn’t bad enough, now we have to endure a parody of it, with Marlon Wayans heading up the cast (didn’t he used to have a proper career?). It’ll be a close run thing, but it’s a pretty safe bet that the original movie will remain funnier than this, and that’s without it even trying.
9) Kindergarten Cop 2 – After twenty-six years we finally get the sequel/remake we’ve all been waiting for, with noted comedian Dolph Lundgren inheriting Arnold Schwarzenegger’s role as an undercover FBI agent struggling with cute kids and political correctness. There’s no doubt this will be bad, the only question is just how bad.
10) Friday the 13th – The second reboot of Sean Cunningham’s seminal shocker is evidence of how little regard the makers have for both the fans and the series, as its main thrust appears to be an explanation of why Jason can’t be killed – despite this being explored/revealed in Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993), and again in Jason X (2001). And if the first reboot didn’t work, then why should it now? (And for once, the advance poster has it spot on.)